Waiting with Grace

I am waiting still to hear from my case worker and CPS to see if my Homestudy has been chosen as one of the top 3 choices.  I have been waiting since the 13th of June.  It hasn't been very long, but the waiting is hard.  I have been praying. I have been challenged. I have been encouraged.  "God is God and I am not.  I can only see a part of the picture He's painting. God is God and I am man. So, I'll never understand it all because only God is God."  I heard that song yesterday on the way home from an encouraging evening at Champion Forest.  I also saw one of our pastors in the parking lot and was able to tell he and his wife about this process.  He was there when I told him I wanted to go to seminary, when I was going to try online dating and now this.  Fostering to adopt isn't a project it is my life and someone else's.  I feel like I always have a project but I love that Dr. Trammell encourages me.  So many times I feel like a failure.  I share so much and tend to fail in front of so many people.  I share b/c I think the accountability will help me do better and so I can get pray-ers, yet I fail.  Sometime so fully and so big in front of so many people.  But God is the one that is there.  He is the one that is my only hope.  He is the one that knows my hearts desire and still encourages me. He is my audience.  I have been pretty down these last few days, I miss my sister, I miss my mom, I miss what I thought life would be at 42 years old.  I am going to have to cancel my trip, I think.  But only God knows.  I trust Him.  I believe Him.  Today I ask, Lord, help me with my unbelief.  Doubt comes from Satan, and right now there is a lot of  unknown.  Am I going to have enough money? What if I don't get her?  Am I really supposed to be a parent? Am I a disappointment to my friends, to my family, to God?  I know the answer is NO and I stand in that and I rest in that.  He is my audience.  He is the only one I shoild look to to please.  God is God and I am NOT.  I only see a part of the picture He's painting.  If she isn't mine or if she is HE will be there, He is faithful.  GOD IS!