Jet Lagged!

I have been home from Europe for 5 days now and I am guessing I have a few more days to deal with jet lag.  I forget how crazy it can be.  We went to Israel in 2012. I had to go back to school the next day and was so tired when I got back home that evening that I slept well and got back on a schedulethat day.  This isn't the case.  I am off for a few more days and I don't have anything to do before 10am so...I am still adjusting.  I am enjoying these last few days of summer and I am so thankful I have them.  The house is clean, laundry is done and some meals are ready to be prepared.  School is coming so ready or not, here I come! 

I restarted this blog because I wanted to be able to chronicle the things I am learning as I am in this period of waiting.  I am learning.  I am not sure how to share it though, a lot of it is between me and the Lord. I pray that as I post, my attitude becomes one of grace and mercy.That I give all of the glory to HIM and HIM alone.  I have learned not to suppose and that His ways are way higher than mine.  I have no idea what God is doing just that He is working.  I get to see what He is doing and then make decisions about my life based on what I see Him doing.  For instance, I know that my school is my mission field. Not just my ministry with my kids but with the ladies I work with.  I can choose to gripe, complain or whine. Or... I can be that positive person in the room.  I can "work heartily, as for the Lord, and not for men." Colossians 3:23  I am a people pleaser and that, more often than not, has failed me.  I am going into a  new year of reflection.  I have been out of college for 20 years.  I am not where I thought I'd be but oh am I in a good place.  God has a plan, I don't know His plan but I can follow Him.  That is where my faith steps in. However, the faith that I have doesn't come from me, even that faith is from God.  I am waiting and praying for the right child at the right time.  I am expectanly awaiting his or her or their arrival.  I will wait, I will trust, I will stand firm, I will pray.

His mercies are new every morning and His grace is sufficient for me.

I. Can't. Even.

I love it when my sister friends use periods in between words like Best. Meal. EVER!  or I. Hate. Facebook.  It means we are serious and since it is via text that they type this it helps get the point across.  Anyway, I have an update but, not.  I have submitted my home study 3 more times since the last time I wrote and am now waiting to hear about a boy or a sibling group.  I was encouraged and discouraged with the last news but since it came while I was on a bus with my friends it was received so much better than had I been here, home and alone.  So I will wait.  God is keeping me on my knees and seeking Him.  I am in such a better place than I was during the "dog days" of summer.  I am headed back to school in 2 weeks.  God knows that.  I wonder what His plan is.  I can't even begin to figure it out so I am not going to. He has a plan, his pan is perfect.  I am going to wait for Him.  So much has gone on and I cannot wait to share.

Grace Required

Here is an update on Baby Sanders.  I do not have a child yet.  I have submitted my home study for 2 little girls and the answer was no for the 1st one and I will hopefully hear about the 2nd one this week.  I am fully expecting a NO about her too, if it is anything else I will be surprised. I was so discouraged 2 weeks ago when I heard it was a no for the 2 month old.  I was angry, hurt and down right ticked.  I cried and then shopped.  I heard from my family and friends that the right child will come at the right time. In my head I know that, it is different telling my heart.  I am ok now and I have determined that God in deed has a perfect plan.  I was reading about Lazarus in our study this week and Jesus knows all about perfect timing.  He knew Lazarus was sick and dying.  He knew when he died too.  Jesus didn't get there until 4 days after he died. Jesus wept in that passage.  I have heard different reasons as to why Jesus wept.  But He did.  Jesus also did something in the lives of the people around Lazarus.  Had he been there when he died or before he died they would have seen a miracle that they were expecting.  BUT, Jesus came when the absolute impossible needed to be done.  He raised a dead man, a man that was DEAD,  Lazarus, was alive.  I am waiting for God to do the impossible.  I cannot wait to see what he does and tell others about it!!!!

Experiencing GOD

My last post wasn't posted but it was written...here is part of what I wrote: "...That's a consequence for disobedience.  I am learning so much during this trial.  I am learning to trust God, to make wise decisions and to do the right thing.  The thing was things were going okay.  So I kinda am not surprised at the fiery ordeal around me, But God knows all of this.  I am going to enjoy the summer instead of being worried.  It is only July 1st.  Time for getting out of my pity party.  I went to a viewing today for a former principal.  She was good but made some bad decisions.  I wasn't looking forward to seeing old people  and co workers but it was good.  I have come a long way.  Thank you God!   Yep, I am learning a lot this summer. The summer of non-busyness!  I know God is working.  I don't know what He is going to do other than test my obedience, but he is faithful.  I am in a pit and will come out! Hopefully a smarter and wiser person who is more obedient and closer to Him."

Just a few short days later, I am closer to Him and I am learning so much.  I have been needing to write for a few days and have no idea how to start but I know He is faithful.  He has used our Experiencing God Study to show me almost daily that He has a plan, He is in control and He is GOD.  I have been in a holding pattern this summer and it has been very public.  I sometimes wonder if I am wrong sharing too much but again I need people to pray.  Real pray-ers.  As I prepare for a child I know that it will not be an easy road. I know that choosing to be a single mom is a different way to do things.  I also know that this is something that I need to do, something I am called to do.
God has shown me He is here.  One thing I was so excited about is that I got a phone call from my agency on the last day of school.  I thought, "Oh wow this is perfect.  I'll get a child during the summer and then be able to go back to school as a mommy."  That was My Plan.   My plan.  ...my plan.  God's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.  As of now, today, His plan is for me to go to a PLC conference in San Antonio and to Eastern Europe.  So I'll go.  He wants me to see something, do something, learn something while I go, and maybe when I am there, He will use me to bring someone to Him. He is GOD.  He doesn't need me to do anything but He sure will use me if I am willing. Here I am, Use me Lord.  Get this, it is even possible that I still have so much to learn and I am not ready yet. So, there it is.  I pray daily for my child/children. I know God knows their name.  He knows which one I will be a parent to.  He has a plan.  I pray that one day as I share this with my child s/he will know how much I wanted them and how I waited for them.

All in

I am still waiting to hear about a baby girl, but while I am waiting...I am submitting my home study for another baby girl. God knows and the right child will be in my home at the right time. I cannot wait to see what He is going to do. I had a walk with God this morning and it was very uncomfortable.  It was on the same route in the same clothes with the same doggie but this time it was uncomfortable.  I was supposed to talk to God and tell Him how much I love him and tell Him that I understand how much He loves me.  I did that but, there was a lot of tension.  I was the tension.  I want things my way and no matter what, I get in the way.   I was talking to my friend very late last night, very late.  I felt like I was still in college or even better high school.  Anyway, He was telling me that he just wanted God to give us what He wants us to do.  In my wisdom, I said God is our guide not our travel agent.  I told him all of these things that I had been learning and it wasn't until that very uncomfortable walk that God told me to walk before Him and be blameless.  I needed to pay attention to the advice I was giving because it was for me to listen to.  Now, after this uncomfortable walk, I have a peace that I haven't had in this process yet.  It is calm, it is God.  It is the peace knowing that I am not in control. The enemy wants me to believe that me having control is good.  It is not good.  God made the universe, he spoke the GREAT WHITE SHARK into existence. He knows how many hairs are on my head.  He knows Abraham, Elijah, Paul and even Tamar.  I am humbled, I am amazed.  I am in AWE of who He is.  This journey isn't for the faint at heart.  I thought I was.  Well actually,  I am but God is carrying me.  He is the sustainer of my joy and my peace.

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry

I have been amazed by God's provision since I have decided to adopt.  I was able to get the minor repairs done to my house by a friend and paid for by someone anonymously.  Then some other friends came by to help hang things and install a few things needed to pass inspection.  I am amazed by the selflessness of my friends and it humbles me to know that people care.  I was reminded this past Monday that God has perfect timing and planning.  I have been given a pack and play and after that 2 friends have let me have/borrow/use a crib, car seat, changing table, boppy, bumbo seat, bassinet, and exer-saucer.  God has provided.  He also allowed me to get a phone call the last day of school.  He has perfect timing.  He allowed 3 people to speak truth into my life last Monday.  He knows what I need and when I need it.  The advice one of the women said to me was to take one day at a time.  So...I have.  I have been freed.  I am not going to worry about tomorrow and I can only do that with the help of the Lord.  I do not know if I am going to be chosen to be this little girl's mommy.  I do know that I will wait for God with Grace. I will also point to Him as He answers.  Whether it be this sweet baby or another one.  He will get all of the Glory.  He has a plan and He will guide me as I go day by day. My Help Cometh From the LORD.
He is the SOURCE of my Strength, He is the STRENGTH of my life.

Court Date

Baby Girl has a court day today.  Praying for God's will. I don't know anything but do know that God is in control.  VBS also starts today praying for kids to come to know Jesus.

Waiting with Grace

I am waiting still to hear from my case worker and CPS to see if my Homestudy has been chosen as one of the top 3 choices.  I have been waiting since the 13th of June.  It hasn't been very long, but the waiting is hard.  I have been praying. I have been challenged. I have been encouraged.  "God is God and I am not.  I can only see a part of the picture He's painting. God is God and I am man. So, I'll never understand it all because only God is God."  I heard that song yesterday on the way home from an encouraging evening at Champion Forest.  I also saw one of our pastors in the parking lot and was able to tell he and his wife about this process.  He was there when I told him I wanted to go to seminary, when I was going to try online dating and now this.  Fostering to adopt isn't a project it is my life and someone else's.  I feel like I always have a project but I love that Dr. Trammell encourages me.  So many times I feel like a failure.  I share so much and tend to fail in front of so many people.  I share b/c I think the accountability will help me do better and so I can get pray-ers, yet I fail.  Sometime so fully and so big in front of so many people.  But God is the one that is there.  He is the one that is my only hope.  He is the one that knows my hearts desire and still encourages me. He is my audience.  I have been pretty down these last few days, I miss my sister, I miss my mom, I miss what I thought life would be at 42 years old.  I am going to have to cancel my trip, I think.  But only God knows.  I trust Him.  I believe Him.  Today I ask, Lord, help me with my unbelief.  Doubt comes from Satan, and right now there is a lot of  unknown.  Am I going to have enough money? What if I don't get her?  Am I really supposed to be a parent? Am I a disappointment to my friends, to my family, to God?  I know the answer is NO and I stand in that and I rest in that.  He is my audience.  He is the only one I shoild look to to please.  God is God and I am NOT.  I only see a part of the picture He's painting.  If she isn't mine or if she is HE will be there, He is faithful.  GOD IS!

no words

Some days I have no words.  Today is one of those days  One thing  I would use is Lisa Harper's hashtag  #onlyGod.

Do NOT get Sassy with me!

Experiencing God.  We are beginning that study in my Life Group.  I did that study my 1st or 2nd year teaching.  I lived in San Antonio and the 7 realities have been a part of my life and a lot of my thinking since then,  This week in our homework we learned that God is always at work around us. We are to join Him in His work.  So as I learned this this week I went to my 1st 2 crossfit classes.  They were tough.  I loved it but hated it.  I decided I would join it and get in shape.  I would be busy while I waited.  It cost quite a bit of money, but I was going to figure it out. In my class was a lady/student named Katie.  She was wearing       T-Shirt that had an equal sign and a heart.  In this year 2014 the = sign is not a good thing. It means marriage equality, I though OK, I can do this. Lord, help me to love and wear my Christian t-shirts and in my head thought, "Really???" Fast Forward to Friday the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!  I was tired and ready for summer.  I did my devotional again and this time as I was reading God showed me how He told Moses to go and although he was obedient he complained along the way. God became angry with Moses.  He told him to do something and he did it and complained along the way because he wasn't ready or equipped.  God told me to wait and I jokingly said "Sure God, I'll do what you say."  I was doing it but not in a joyful way.  God essentially said "Jennifer, If you are going to wait do it joyfully, without complaining. I am serious."  I was silent, God told me to wait joyfully. I was humbled.  Okay Lord, I will wait for you. Back to Crossfit...I was going to go back on Friday and join but I am going to wait.  I may need all of the money I can save.  I have been waiting for information about a baby girl.  I found out about her in February and CPS knew I was interested. She 5 months old then.  I was officially liscensed in April about 6-7 weeks ago but hadn't heard anything.  I was very frustrated and looked at other agencies, and spoke to people about kids they knew or pregnant women they knew.  God said wait.  In my initial classes I said it would be nice to get a child during the summer or at least at the end of the school year but, since I was waiting for this specific baby girl,  I didn't know. So yesterday I was enjoying my last day of school and praying for my friend whose boyfriend was going to break up with her.  My phone rang, it was Conroe. (Thanks iPhone) My agency called and asked to submit my home study for an 8 week old baby girl.  So now I wait again.

100 Things Bucket List

I posted this list in 2009.

I will italicize the things I have done since. Looks like I need to get busy on some of this.

I've seen this on some blogs and thought I'd make my own list as well! Everything in BOLD are things I've done. Feel free to copy this list to your blog and do the same.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo.
11. Bungee jumped.
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you're not sick.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagra Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to truly be satisfied.
38. Seen the leaning tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo's David.
41. Sung karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served in a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the changing of the guards in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Been to the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the paper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had Chicken pox.
89. Saved someone's life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a lawsuit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
100. Read an entire book in one day.

in The WAITING ROOM

I remember that a few years ago a friend of mine posted that as she and her husband were dealing with his cancer diagnosis she was waiting on God.  That insight stuck with me and now here I am, waiting.  I have not been here before but know this is exactly where God has me.  I am not sure why I am here but as I talk with friends that are also in a waiting pattern he is teaching Me, well, all of us, to trust Him.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says: "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and DO NOT lean on your own understanding.  In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."  That was the 1st verse I memorized and the verse that my agency Buckner Child and Family Services has as their verse as well.  You see, I am waiting for a child.  A child that may or may not have already been born, but will need me as their mommy. God has called me to adopt and as I write this on paper  it becomes more real.  Even more real than the home study and the countless hours in classes and getting paper work done. I am a licensed foster parent and I am expecting.  I have no idea what the gender is or when he or she or, God help me, they will come.  All I know is that God said to do it and I took a huge leap of faith and finished the classes, paperwork, fingerprints, CPR and home study and now I am ready.  Sometimes I wonder if the reason this is taking so long for me to get a child is because God didn't tell me to but, until the door is completely closed, I am going to move forward.  I am going to walk in the path He has for me and right now it is waiting.  So while I wait....I will keep singing, I will keep studying, I will keep teaching, I will keep praising him.  All of this while I wait for Him to move.

Part of Dr. Seuss's book Oh, the Places You'll Go says this: 

The Waiting Place... 

...for people just waiting. 
Waiting for a train to go 
or a bus to come, or a plane to go 
or the mail to come, or the rain to go 
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow 
or waiting around for a Yes or a No 
or waiting for their hair to grow. 
Everyone is just waiting. 

Waiting for the fish to bite 
or waiting for wind to fly a kite 
or waiting around for Friday night 
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake 
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break 
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants 
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. 
Everyone is just waiting. 

But, God said it best. 
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
9And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.10Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 



Hence the title of my Blog.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

This year was the 9th Mother's Day since my mom died.  I am usually okay until some sweet person walks up to me and tells me they are praying for me or thinking about me on this day.  I am also usually okay until someone prays for "those that have lost children or their moms." Then... I lose it and it us an ugly cry.  My eyes get blood shot and my makeup does not hold up well. Dang it Mom, why did you leave us?
The only thing that made this mother's day bearable was that I got to wish my sister Happy Mother's Day! She is the step-mom of a 16 year old girl and this sweet girl is exactly what Heather needed.

So Happy Momma's Day to all of the mom's out there. You have an unbelievable job and I cannot wait to join the ranks.

Hey....It's been a while!

Long time, No see!  I am going to start again.  I figured this and exercise will keep my mind occupied.
I think this may last longer than the exercise because it is getting hot here in H-Town again.

It has been about 2 years since I last wrote. A lot has happened since then and all is well now. In a quick list here it goes: low hemoglobin, blood transfusion, joined dating sites, met a boy, turned 40, had a party, went to Israel, Went to Spain, broke up with boy, had major surgery, 2nd transfusion, and now teaching 4th grade! Oh yeah and because of my "dating site" adventure. My sister also met a boy and now she is married and a step mom. That is the last 2 years in a nutshell. I began a new adventure am teaching 4th grade. I have taught 1st grade for 19 years and now after a tough year with 2 co-workers, I am moving up! I have, what I am calling,  "The Dream Job." I am teaching 4th grade Science and Social Studies only. And now.... this amazing whirlwind of a school year is almost over,  it is MAY 2014 and I am 42!!!
What the HECK??????
The best part of this is this isn't the reason I am blogging again....MORE TO COME!!!!