Grace Required

Here is an update on Baby Sanders.  I do not have a child yet.  I have submitted my home study for 2 little girls and the answer was no for the 1st one and I will hopefully hear about the 2nd one this week.  I am fully expecting a NO about her too, if it is anything else I will be surprised. I was so discouraged 2 weeks ago when I heard it was a no for the 2 month old.  I was angry, hurt and down right ticked.  I cried and then shopped.  I heard from my family and friends that the right child will come at the right time. In my head I know that, it is different telling my heart.  I am ok now and I have determined that God in deed has a perfect plan.  I was reading about Lazarus in our study this week and Jesus knows all about perfect timing.  He knew Lazarus was sick and dying.  He knew when he died too.  Jesus didn't get there until 4 days after he died. Jesus wept in that passage.  I have heard different reasons as to why Jesus wept.  But He did.  Jesus also did something in the lives of the people around Lazarus.  Had he been there when he died or before he died they would have seen a miracle that they were expecting.  BUT, Jesus came when the absolute impossible needed to be done.  He raised a dead man, a man that was DEAD,  Lazarus, was alive.  I am waiting for God to do the impossible.  I cannot wait to see what he does and tell others about it!!!!

Experiencing GOD

My last post wasn't posted but it was written...here is part of what I wrote: "...That's a consequence for disobedience.  I am learning so much during this trial.  I am learning to trust God, to make wise decisions and to do the right thing.  The thing was things were going okay.  So I kinda am not surprised at the fiery ordeal around me, But God knows all of this.  I am going to enjoy the summer instead of being worried.  It is only July 1st.  Time for getting out of my pity party.  I went to a viewing today for a former principal.  She was good but made some bad decisions.  I wasn't looking forward to seeing old people  and co workers but it was good.  I have come a long way.  Thank you God!   Yep, I am learning a lot this summer. The summer of non-busyness!  I know God is working.  I don't know what He is going to do other than test my obedience, but he is faithful.  I am in a pit and will come out! Hopefully a smarter and wiser person who is more obedient and closer to Him."

Just a few short days later, I am closer to Him and I am learning so much.  I have been needing to write for a few days and have no idea how to start but I know He is faithful.  He has used our Experiencing God Study to show me almost daily that He has a plan, He is in control and He is GOD.  I have been in a holding pattern this summer and it has been very public.  I sometimes wonder if I am wrong sharing too much but again I need people to pray.  Real pray-ers.  As I prepare for a child I know that it will not be an easy road. I know that choosing to be a single mom is a different way to do things.  I also know that this is something that I need to do, something I am called to do.
God has shown me He is here.  One thing I was so excited about is that I got a phone call from my agency on the last day of school.  I thought, "Oh wow this is perfect.  I'll get a child during the summer and then be able to go back to school as a mommy."  That was My Plan.   My plan.  ...my plan.  God's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.  As of now, today, His plan is for me to go to a PLC conference in San Antonio and to Eastern Europe.  So I'll go.  He wants me to see something, do something, learn something while I go, and maybe when I am there, He will use me to bring someone to Him. He is GOD.  He doesn't need me to do anything but He sure will use me if I am willing. Here I am, Use me Lord.  Get this, it is even possible that I still have so much to learn and I am not ready yet. So, there it is.  I pray daily for my child/children. I know God knows their name.  He knows which one I will be a parent to.  He has a plan.  I pray that one day as I share this with my child s/he will know how much I wanted them and how I waited for them.