All in

I am still waiting to hear about a baby girl, but while I am waiting...I am submitting my home study for another baby girl. God knows and the right child will be in my home at the right time. I cannot wait to see what He is going to do. I had a walk with God this morning and it was very uncomfortable.  It was on the same route in the same clothes with the same doggie but this time it was uncomfortable.  I was supposed to talk to God and tell Him how much I love him and tell Him that I understand how much He loves me.  I did that but, there was a lot of tension.  I was the tension.  I want things my way and no matter what, I get in the way.   I was talking to my friend very late last night, very late.  I felt like I was still in college or even better high school.  Anyway, He was telling me that he just wanted God to give us what He wants us to do.  In my wisdom, I said God is our guide not our travel agent.  I told him all of these things that I had been learning and it wasn't until that very uncomfortable walk that God told me to walk before Him and be blameless.  I needed to pay attention to the advice I was giving because it was for me to listen to.  Now, after this uncomfortable walk, I have a peace that I haven't had in this process yet.  It is calm, it is God.  It is the peace knowing that I am not in control. The enemy wants me to believe that me having control is good.  It is not good.  God made the universe, he spoke the GREAT WHITE SHARK into existence. He knows how many hairs are on my head.  He knows Abraham, Elijah, Paul and even Tamar.  I am humbled, I am amazed.  I am in AWE of who He is.  This journey isn't for the faint at heart.  I thought I was.  Well actually,  I am but God is carrying me.  He is the sustainer of my joy and my peace.